Don't call it a comeback...

Good afternoon boys and girls :D

I'm back for another installment of a little program I like to call "Life of the living."

On todays program I will discuss fundamental human flaws!

A strange thing happened a little while ago while I was helping my step-father carry a 250lb television up a staircase. Aside from the aches and pains and nightmares of squashed fingers and toes, the whole experience was rather euphoric. The reason it was so profound to me, I think, is because we thought it was impossible... The television was heavy and awkward and the staircase was steep and narrow (not to mention the fact that my step-dad is in his mid 50's and i'm not exactly what I like to call 'physically fit'. My mother watched in horror as we made plans to carry this beast up the stairs, occasionally chiming in to say "Why don't we call the neighbour over to help?

As useful as her suggestion was, it fell on deaf ears. We were determined to carry the thing ourselves. It wasn't even about the T.V. anymore, it was about proving a point. The point was: If your will is strong enough you can do anything. Our first attempt was fruitless, but we persevered and came up with a new plan involving a dolly and a harness. We put the television on it's side and attached it to the dolly. We lifted the 250lb colossus up the staircase one step at a time. It took time and effort but we fucking did it!
The elation that came after the T.V. was set in its resting place was a feeling that one does not often feel. It was a feeling of great pride and of victory... "That's right, you said we couldn't do it but guess what?? WE DID!" My stepdad and I cracked open some beers and marvelled at our accomplishment. We were men, in every sense of the word.

Shortly after, my mother made a statement that inspired me to write this blog in the first place. "Now I hope we never have to bring it down." I cringed at the thought of having to do that... I'm not sure if bringing it down again was even an option. "We'll worry about that later." my stepdad replied childishly. It occurred to me that we never really thought our plan through... We were so focused on getting the thing upstairs that we didn't even think about how we could get it down again. Therein lies a fundamental human problem that struck me like a lighting bolt. Humans have a tendency to not think things through... Some of you are saying "Duh, I already knew that!" but i'm not talking about individuals, i'm talking about humanity as a whole. We don't think things through. We get so caught up in doing the impossible that we forget what opposing effects these impossible things can have on us. Take for example combustion engines. People were so warm and gracious to the idea of having their own car that they never stopped to think about the negative effects of pumping all that exhaust into the environment. We just saw a problem, saw a solution and didn't stop to think about what it could do to us in the long run. The combustion engine is just one example but you can see this pattern in almost every aspect of industry (ie. dependence on things like computers and electricity). We never thought "What happens if all the electricity goes away?" We just sit and hope that the day never comes...

...The same way my step-dad and I hope we never have to move that damn T.V. ever again.

Blog 2....Fight!

High on the success of my first blog, I... Shawn Carlos Martins the 1st... have decided to embark on a long winded intellectual journey through time and my own mind. 

My last blog was wordy and convoluted, so i'll try and simplify this one....Which will be hard cause i've decided to go off the deep end with the subject matter...Yikessss!

Today I'd like to talk about the dilemma of Freewill (not to be confused with the popular Rush song of the same name)...A concept that people have been discussing for over a thousand years.

Let me start by saying that i'm not a philosopher, i'm not a scientist or some brilliant prodigy, i'm just a guy with a computer and some thoughts so just take my writing for what it is...Thoughts... I'm not here to change the world or step on anyones toes, i'm just sharing thoughts... some of which are not my own...Can ye digg? 

Let me start by saying that I am FASCINATED by freewill, always have been. From the minute I realized that I was capable of making my own decisions, I was hooked... There was no one who could make me do anything I didn't want to do. As you probably would have guessed, I had a very hard time growing up with that attitude. As I got older, I realized that life wasn't just about ME and what I WANTED, it is much more complicated than that. I realized quickly that my actions had real consequences. I learned that in order to avoid negative consequences, I had to really watch what I did and said. This notion made me upset, cause I felt like I was losing control of myself. The funny thing is that by watching my behaviour I was really gaining control instead of losing it. As I got even older, it occurred to me that what I saw as freewill when I was a kid was really youthful rebellion... I used to think that I was a bad person for wanting the world to revolve around me, but then I realized that everyone goes through that phase one way or another...

But it makes you think....Why is that? Why do we want the world to be our own personal satellite?  

I'm sure the answer stems from insecurity, or a desire to feel important...For me I know it was because I always thought the world was made for me.... which is sad and delusional, but that's what I really thought. I felt like every person on earth was just a figment of my imagination, or actors hired in a play. I wasn't an ego maniac or anything, I just always felt like no matter where I was or who I was with, I just didn't fit in. Now I am old enough to realize this feeling of not fitting in probably stems from some deep trust issues, (but i'll save that topic for another blog, For now the topic is Freewill :) 

I always felt that by giving into the needs and demands of other people I was giving up my own free choices. It meant a lot for me to feel like I was my own master (and it still does)...The reality piling up against me made it harder and harder to feel like was in control. As I got older, I saw my own desire for freewill changing before my eyes... 

"Well, I can't do everything I want now cause I need to get to work... I'll just put my uncontrollable urge to be free on hold till 5pm."

 But it's not just that, I was learning more about the philosophy of freewill and (believe it or not), the physics behind what we perceive as freedom. The latter is more interesting I feel... Modern physics states that all things in life react based on certain laws (ie. if you roll a boulder down a hill it generates momentum, if you toss an apple off a ledge it falls because of gravity, to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction etc.etc.) We know these fundamental physical laws are holding the world together,  that means we must be governed by the same laws as well... How can we truly be free? Even if you look at human beings on a chemical level, we are slaves to the billions of cells in our bodies. If your body is sick... you're sick, that's just how it goes...It's like even your own body takes the reigns of your life sometimes...How can we truly be free? 

This is where the philosophical crap comes into play. This is the part that no one can seem to agree on... No one can decide if we are controlled by ourselves or by the holiest of holies... 

The God question...  Is God controlling our lives, or are we?

....I'm obviously not sure... cause if I knew that answer i'd be rubbing elbows with Oxford's top brass instead of blogging on a mac I had to borrow money to buy... 

But I WILL tell you what I think about this whole ordeal... I think if there is a God he is incomprehensible to human conception, in other words, we can't see him cause our eyes aren't designed to. Thinking of God in this way makes me think that if God has no way of making himself visible to us, (and clearly no desire too) than he probably has no concern with the every day trails of our lives.... I think he /she /It loves us... yeah... and wants us to make good decisions...yeah...but pays attention to us the same way a busy parent pays attention to a needy child. I think God wants us to figure out what life is for ourselves. That's why we're born into this world with nothing, God wants us to be the ones to "fill the cup". I think God wants us to be free beings, but also wants us to understand that our freedom is limited.... And like all things in life, it comes with a price. 

Even though our chemical, physical and even spiritual bodies are sometimes seized by the parameters of Illness and reality, it's still up to us to go into the world and make the best with the choices we have. Everyone has the choice to be everything they ever wanted to be.... or everything they ever hated being... The trick is knowing who you really are.

To conclude.....I am Job....and The Dear Hunter is an amazing band!.... listen to 'The lake and the river' or 'The Procession'

My face hurts

Hello web,

Let me start by saying i've never blogged before. I always thought blogging was for loser kids and trashy celeb gossip. Although I am right in some respects, I would like to note that an attractive business owner/ beach body fitness trainer/ dental hygienist/ aspiring writer has inspired me to think otherwise (thanks Marley!).

I see now that blogging is just another form of communication between myself and people I've never met. It's like sending a mass e-mail to the world saying "This is who I am, deal with it!" I like to think of blogging as more than just writing out my thoughts... It's my way of "putting a ding in the universe." (to quote Steve Jobs, a man who's business savvy and smugness has inspired me to do more with my life than chase a carrot!)

I'm not going to blog stuff all the time, just whenever I feel like it....And i'm not going to post my most precious ideas (so back off!!!) I reserve those for beers/coffee with close friends.

My first topic of discussion is the dilemma of perfection.

This word has many preconceived notions attached to it and many are of a negative sense. Perfection means there is NO room for error, which frightens and intimidates people. When most of us think of perfection, we imagine a man (or woman) with a magnifying glass meticulously working with expert precision on a project of extreme complexity. This image, conjured from the depths of the human psyche, is romantic and admirable to an extent, but it is also incredibly flawed. What people don't realize is that perfection can be found anywhere, it's not just reserved for the science labs.

This past summer a co-worker of mine passed away tragically. I don't like to talk about it often cause it is an unbelievably sad story. Jesse was only 17 when he was killed crossing the street on his skateboard. I'm only bringing this up because Jesse was the last person I talked to about the dilemma of perfection. I told him that what people think is "perfect" all comes from how we define perfection... Some people think that perfection means "Without flaws", but I stand to disagree. I believe that perfection is defined by the fact that some things in life are created a certain way and are perfect just for being the way they are. (For example... a maple tree is perfect by nature, even if it's leaves are browning, and it isn't exactly symmetrical... or it has gaps in it's canopy. It's perfect because it's a perfect version of itself, grown exactly the way nature intended it to be...Even though our inflated, North American, cartoon version of the world deems it to be an eye-sore)

Unfortunately, I can't be 100% sure if Jesse picked up on the concept or not... I like to think he did. R.I.P. Jesse...


In closing, I just want to say that blogging is awesome... And I want everyone reading this to look in the mirror (a metaphorical mirror) and say "I am perfect, because I am PERFECT at being myself!"



ps. My face hurts cause I got my wisdom teeth taken out today....ouch!